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Symphony Announces its Newest Product: ROBOTS!

Symphony Announces its Newest Product: ROBOTS!

admin April 01, 2019Blog

Symphony_ROBOTS

Symphony Ventures launches Robotic Digital Labor for every person, with a Free Academy via an As-a-Service Platform, powered by AI, and with an Open Source Bot Store, and ROBOTS! ROBOTS!!! ROBOTS!!!!!!!!!

Symphony Ventures was recently recognized as #1 in its field for delivering value to enterprises looking to deploy large-scale, transformational RPA programs. It has done so in thanks to a broad service catalog of RPA design workshops, opportunity assessments, implementation, managed services and recently, health checks - to diagnose and rejuvenate stalled RPA programs. Symphony has also launched less successful offerings, such as its Robot Hair and Nail Salon, and the ill-conceived Robot Exorcism service. But, Symphony is only just getting started!

Succumbing to overwhelming industry demand, Symphony announces its newest product - ROBOTS! This service, and product, and product-as-a-service (ROBOTS!) is cloud hosted (or not), AI-enabled (probably not), self-installing, self-healing, and self-reflecting. The ROBOTS! come with access to a free online ROBOTS! Academy, full of classes that instantly reward registrants with 47 unique accreditations, certifications, and merit badges. The tests are automatically outsourced and taken for you - reducing unnecessary time spent on studying and skill development. ROBOTS!

As a cornerstone of the Robots Robots Robots Robots, Symphony's platform supports computer vision, intelligent OCR, Fructose Science, and paisley permutations. The digital, virtual, phantom, ephemeral, and cognitive labor/labour incorporates patented Process Fracking capabilities able to unleash even the hardest to find automation candidates - by using a high pressure injection of water and sand blasted directly at delivery teams, to create cracks in services operations, through which inefficiency (and gas) is released.

Process_Fracking
Process Fracking - expose hard-to-find automation candidates with high pressure water and sand. Blast your way to a Digital Operation.

Said David Brain, Symphony Co-Founder and COO, "Has anyone actually proof read this press release for any form of clear purpose or message? This is just a long list of every conceivable buzzword in our industry. Am I the only one who sees that?"

Having served the RPA community for five years, Symphony is pleased to offer its global, enterprise, leading, Fortune 100, FTSE 150 clients/partners/customers the digital transformation, innovation, evolution, and disruption that is so pertinent in this dynamic, uncertain, unstable, recession-imminent, global-warming, job-apocolypsing, civilization-collapsing, time.

Said David Poole, Symphony Co-Founder and CEO, "You asked for the next thing. We’re giving you all of them. Literally every single one. All squished together in an opus of obfuscated awesome. You're welcome."

Future of Work.

With ROBOTS!, Symphony not only offers training, hosting, implementing, configurating, and developering, but also wraps in managed services, monitoring, first line support, life support, and lower back support. ROBOTS! comes with EQ bots, via a bot stall. ROBOTS! is also available for lease, lay-away or rent. (Please be kind, rewind)

"The chasm is now crossed", said Pascal Baker, Co-Founder and Chief Client Officer. "It's no longer good enough for enterprises to have RPA programs sprinkled everywhere. With ROBOTS! we can now ensure a ROBOT in every pot, and a ROBOT in every garage. And ROBOTS! ROBOTS!!! Sorry, where was I?"

Machine Learning.

ROBOTS! is fully future-proof, quantum-ready, and biome-compliant. ROBOTS! is also carbon neutral, gluten free, and fully antiquated, leveraging Symphony’s proprietary Somewhat Predictable Algorithmz (SPAz).

For the executive that has everything, you should consider ROBOTS! It is a sure-fire way to achieve the Uber-connected, UnoOffice, Unified, Homogenized, and Instigated Workpiece of the Future.

Chatbots.

Concluded David Brain, "You know what? I give up. ROBOTS, ROBOTS!, ROBOTS!!!!"

For more information about Symphony’s sentient, self-installing CoE-enabled, block-chain ready, quantum bots, please refer to the fifty two e-mails we've already sent. They're the ones that start with, "I know you’re busy, but are you ignoring me?" Or, alternatively, converse with our chat bot, Chatty - who will almost certainly misunderstand your question…. “I’m having trouble finding a song called rabbits.”

ROBOTS!

Caution: Do not provoke ROBOTS! When not using ROBOTS!, please refrigerate.

Tags: Process Transformation, Robotic Process Automation, Artificial Intelligence, Digital, Intelligent Automation, April Fools Day, Chat Bots, Process Fracking

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