Out, damned bot! Out, I say!

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Symphony Expands Service Suite yet again –  Now Offers Robot Exorcisms

Symphony, the world’s largest and most decorated RPA Pureplay is proud to say, “we’ve done it again!”.  Following a string of firsts, the solution designers at Symphony announce the launch of its newest service offering… Robot Exorcisms

“We got our start helping clients design and develop their ideal Digital Operation”, said CEO and Co-Founder David Poole.  “We did this by offering consulting, implementation and managed services – working with leading RPA tools like UiPath, Thoughtonomy, NICE, and Blue Prism.  We’ve helped massive firms achieve significant benefits with RPA and Cognitive technologies.  This new offering, however.  Well.  Honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready to comment.”

Out Damn Bot April Fools 2018

“After a strong start, we lost our way a bit”, said Co-Founder and Chief Client Officer, Pascal Baker.  “Last year, at about this time, I was talked into adding robot ‘Hair Salon and Spa Services’ to our catalog.  To put it mildly, that was NOT a good idea.  I could say ‘I told you so’, but what’s the point?”

Happily, Symphony has added some more palatable items to the catalog, most recently offering training for both Blue Prism and UiPath advanced developer skills.  “Yes, the hair salon thing was not our best thinking”, said David Brain, Co-Founder and COO.  “But training has been much more popular.  Also, we’re making huge strides offering as-a-service solutions combining cognitive tools and RPA.  I mean, smart cloud bots, that’s just cool!”

But, the innovation train keeps on chugging.  These guys are laser-focused on solving the problems that clients have (even if the laser needs a bit of calibrating). 

 “When assessing the market, I parsed thousands of hours of conferences and webinars, and endless reams of white paper, blog and book,” said Ian Barkin, (yet another) Co-Founder, and the Chief Strategy Officer at Symphony.  “It became abundantly clear that there was one rampant problem that everyone was facing.  Everyone!  We kept hearing about people having robots trapped inside of them.” 

“Wherever we went, everyone was talking about ‘Taking the Robot Out of the Person’.  It’s apparently a huge issue that companies of all sizes are facing” said Ian.  “So, it seemed only natural to offer Robot Exorcisms.  How else are we going to get the robots out?  Honestly, this time, I think we have a huge hit on our hands.” 

The market response thus far has been incredulous, at best.  Weighing in on this bold new product is Dr. Leslie Willcocks, Professor of Work, Technology and Globalisation at the London School of Economics.  Co-author of many seminal books on the subject, and known for coining the term ‘Taking the Robot out of the Person’, Dr. Willcocks said, “While I appreciate how they might think the saying suggests robots are trapped in people, that’s not quite what I was going for.  This has to do with people having to perform routine, ‘robotic’ tasks.  It takes a warped mind to think I’m suggesting robots are actually stuck in people.  I’m a bit worried about those Symphony guys.”

“What an excellent day for an exorcism” concluded Pascal. 

Small print:

Robotic possession is characterized by easy-to-spot symptoms, such as excessive amounts of repetitive and inefficient work carried out within enterprises. Only highly qualified exorcists should be trusted to separate robots from humans.  Side effects may include, making people happier and more productive; unleashing value in an organization; reducing attrition; increasing overall experience for employees and customers alike.  Those looking for more insight should seek enlightenment from the RPA Bible.

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